Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize