i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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