There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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