Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize