Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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