How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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