Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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