dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize