Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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