Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize