There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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