My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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