I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize