so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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