guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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