I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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