The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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