Umm I'm too high to move.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
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margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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