What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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