I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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