He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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