he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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