Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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