Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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