onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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