Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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