I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize