why didn't you poke me back
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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