a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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