I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
