the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
