I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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