why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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