Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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