I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
