Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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