when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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