Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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