Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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