And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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