and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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