I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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