How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize