its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love you. Go after that dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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