So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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