Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize