Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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