Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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