why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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