he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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