It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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